Resiliency: Maintaining our resolve under difficult circumstances.

How Resiliency relates to Gender Equity.

When we take steps that increase gender equity, we are challenging sexism and the status quo. People comfortable with the status quo will resist and criticize what we do. Being able to recover from their negativity and get back on track with our goals as quickly as possible is very important.

Examples of what Resiliency looks like in an adult.

• Someone who knows who they* are, who they want to be, what they want to do, and why they want to do it.
• An adult who can hear criticism, consider it, learn from what’s helpful in it (if anything), and toss the rest.
• Someone who has many ways they can recover from hardship and is comfortable using them.
• An adult who has recovered from negativity before and knows they can do it again.
• Someone who continues to work on what matters most to them even when they face negativity, criticism, and hardship.
• An adult who is kind to themselves and, after a negative experience, takes time to address their feelings when it’s safe to do so.

Examples of how we can teach Resiliency to our child.

• Role model all of the above.
• Share with our child that their value doesn’t change when someone is mean, unfair or rude to them. (Discuss with our child that when someone treats them unfairly, rudely or meanly it has more to do with how that person is feeling about themselves and the world than it does with our child.)
• Share conflict resolution skills that our child can use when faced with negativity (through role-playing or other process we like). Two potential sources: https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/5-strategies-to-help-kids-resolve-conflict and https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201801/8-things-kids-can-say-and-do-stop-bullying. Note: Unfortunately, the author of the second article uses gendered words “dude” and “guys” in her advice. 

• Explain to our child that it is normal and healthy to not be liked by everyone.
• Discuss with our child that it’s wise to spend our energy and time on people who are nice to us, make choices we admire, and enjoy being around.
• Explain that while our value is not higher or lower than anyone else’s, we are special to certain people in our lives (such as our parents, dear friends, etc.)
• Share that if we made a million mistakes, our value would not change.

Note: Go to my resources list for books that help develop resiliency, including The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin. (Warning: Morin uses too few examples of women and girls in her book and uses the pronoun “he” more than “she.”)

*I am using “they/their/theirs/them/themselves” as singular pronouns.

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Developing Whole Children

Self Awareness | Reciprocity | Full Personhood | Equality | Physical Ownership | Verbal Conflict Resolution | Emotional Wellness | Advocacy | Humility | Authenticity | Contribution | Resiliency | Joy | Gratitude | Community | Critical Thinking