How else can I keep gender in the background for my kids?

We can be aware of our own language and conversations.

• When meeting another parent at the playground, instead of asking if their child is a girl or a boy, we can say/ask, “It looks like your child is having fun.” “This is a great place to bring kids.” “What do you like about this park?” or “What other places do you like to go with your child?” We can think creatively about how to start an interesting conversation. When comfortable doing so, we can also share our child’s name and then ask for their child’s name. Once we know names, we can more easily talk without pronouns as well as be more personal.

• When we talk about our own kids, I recommend referring to them as “the kids,” “my children,” “my kid,” and “my child,” instead of “my boys” or “the girls,” even if we have only one gender represented in our kids. Kids listen closely to our words, and when we use “the kids” or “my child,” we are putting gender securely in the background of who they are.

• When we are reading books about animals, we can use “Big Bunny” instead of “Mama Bunny” or “Daddy Bunny,” and “Little Bunny” instead of “Girl Bunny” or “Boy Bunny.” When a book attaches a Mr., Miss or Mrs. to a character, such as Mr. Toad, we can instead say “Toad,” “Green Toad,” or “Bumpy Toad.”

• When we are interacting with adults who are expecting a baby, instead of automatically asking “Are you having a girl or a boy?,” we can ask other questions. “What are you most looking forward to?,” “How is the pregnancy going so far?,” or “What do you think of your doctor?”

• When our kids tell us about a new friend, instead of asking “Is your friend a boy or a girl?,” we can ask other questions. “What do you like to do together?,” “How did you know you wanted to play with this friend?,” “What do you like about this friend?,” or “What did you do together today?

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Modeling Gender Equity | Words That Identify Gender | Handling Disagreements With Life Partner | Benefits of Not Emphasizing Gender | Keeping Gender in the Background | How Critical to Knowing Someone Is Biological Sex or Gender? | Overcoming Uncomfortable Discussions About Reproductive Parts | Handling Stereotypical Behaviours | Handling “Be a Man” Directives Towards Son | Handling “Smile” or “Hug Me” Directives Towards Daughter | Suggest to P.E. Teacher Not to Divide Teams By Gender | Explaining Why Girls and Women in Children’s Books Have Long Hair | Using Other Adjectives When Praising Your Child | Handling Pronouns for Toddlers | Handing Pronouns for Younger School-Age Children | Handing Pronouns for Older School-Age Children