Do we have 100% control over something that fuels sexism?

We do.

We can control 100% of what comes out of our mouths:  the words we say. 

We can use words that really and truly include everyone such as “Hi, Everyone” or “Hi,” instead of saying “Hi, Guys” or “You guys.”

“Guys” is a “gendered term,” meaning it links to one gender while excluding everyone else.

The impact of using gendered terms is damaging, particularly when the gender referred to has a long history of holding positions of power over others (and in many contexts still does).* “Verbal communication is one of the most powerful means through which sexism and gender discrimination are perpetrated and reproduced,” explain Michela Menegatti and Monica Rubini in their research published by Oxford University Press.

Gendered terms “are not neutral.”

“They make women [and girls] disappear in mental representations,” making the first and automatic assumption in our brains a male. This impacts whose opinion seems more accurate, who is viewed as deserving that raise, who just seems “right” for the job, and so on.

Some of us know all this and still keep using “guys” to address groups of people. What could our reasons be?

• We insist that when we say it, we mean everyone (regardless of how the recipients feel).
• We think it’s not important enough to change. We’re more concerned with problems like the gender wage gap, the disparity of female CEOs, etc. (Yet our words shape our thoughts; us tolerating words that don’t really include girls and women mirrors us tolerating men being promoted over women, boys being groomed for leadership and girls being groomed for subservience, and so on.)
• We’re okay with the word “guys,” so everyone else needs to be fine with it, too. It’s their problem, not ours. (Would we also say that about words connected to race?)
• We don’t want to change what we’re doing as that feels hard, might be uncomfortable, or take daily attention. Other people can do that.
• We’re fine with women and girls being invisible and being overshadowed by men and boys.
• We tried to not say “guys,” but it didn’t work.

Or could it be?:

• We’re fine with the harmful consequences of gendered terms, such as boys growing up to think they are the main characters of life and girls and women are merely their supporting cast; girls learning to defer to boys whenever they have a disagreement (and boys expecting them to); or a man being given the benefit of the doubt over a woman’s perspective every time; and so on.
• We want to say whatever we want regardless of the impact on other people. That is our freedom and our right. (Would we also say that about words connected to race?)
• We desire being liked by patriarchal-minded men more than our desire for equality for women and girls.

Do we see ourselves in these reasons? Is there a disconnect between our words and what we say we believe? Is that who we want to be?

If we’re ready to make the change, here are some alternatives for addressing groups of people.

To make this change work, we need to apply ourselves. We need to practice using the new term over and over again. We need to use it intentionally multiple times a day as we talk to people, so that it has a chance to become automatic. It may feel awkward at first or hard. This is a normal part of changing our behavior. The staff at the Mayo Clinic Healthy Living Program report it takes 18 to 200 repetitions to form a habit. Intentional repetition works, and this is a very worthwhile habit to instill.

Once we pick our new word, how will we remind ourselves to use it?

• Wear a special wristband.
• Keep a small card in our pocket that explains our commitment. Have more on hand to give people who address groups we are in as “guys.”
• Put sticky notes where they’ll be most helpful.
• Set an alarm on our phone.
• Put a sticker on our phone. 
• Carry a small token in our pocket or hand (a smooth rock, a shell, a coin, etc.).
• Ask for friendly reminders from others.
• Repeat the new word over and over in our minds.
• Use the new word every time we greet or address a group of two or more people.

Making change is possible. We’ve done it before for other things.

This change is worthwhile and necessary if we care about gender equity. Every time we use inclusive words to address people, we are weakening sexism and fueling fairness. How will you use your words today?

*Four examples of the overrepresentation of one-half of the population and the underrepresentation of the other half:

1) Who is telling the stories that shape us?

Below are the five companies that dominate the media content that exists in the world. As women are half the population, are they represented fairly with 50% of their Boards and Executive Teams?

• Time Warner. 20% of Board, 27% of Executives, men head both groups
• Disney. 44% of Board, 21% of Executives, men head both groups
• News Corporation. 27% of Board, 45% of Executives, men head both groups ; 22% of Leadership
• Viacom. 55% of Board. (Excellent work with the Board, Viacom), 30% of Executives, men head both groups
• Bertelsmann of Germany. 0% of Board, 37% of Executives, men head both groups

2) Whose stories has the Academy recognized with a Best Director award in the last 20 years?

3) In the world of sports, who is governing softball in the United States?

4) Who has held the highest office in the land?