Emotional Wellness: Recognizing and managing our emotions, so we don’t hurt ourselves or others.

How Emotional Wellness relates to Gender Equity

Because sexism shames women and men for certain feelings, it stifles emotional development. Many people do not have the skills they need to take care of themselves emotionally and instead end up hurting themselves and/or other people. Emotional Wellness guides us toward healthier relationships with ourselves and others, leading to actions that are affirming and mutually respectful.

Examples of what Emotional Wellness looks like in an adult.

• Someone who checks in with themselves* each day to find out how they’re feeling.
• An adult who recognizes the physical sensations of at least 4 different emotions. For more information, go to “Pay Attention to Your Body.” 
• Someone who knows how to calm and soothe themselves when feeling shamed, angry, betrayed, rejected, jealous, sad, disappointed, and/or scared.
• Someone who understands that feelings are not good or bad; they are neutral. It’s what we do with our feelings that causes harm or help.
• An adult who is 100% responsible for their feelings and behavior, and doesn’t blame others for them.
• Someone who has a range of tools for managing difficult emotions (such as soothing touch, deep breathing, and affirmations) and can use them when feelings arise.
• An adult who knows they may not always realize how they are coming across (e.g. angry, grumpy, entitled, or like a know-it-all), and can listen to feedback from others.
• Someone who understands that not dealing with feelings from the past leads to extreme, harmful expressions of those feelings in the present.
• Someone who doesn’t take their negative emotions out on other people, e.g. insulting them, using a harsh tone, or yelling.
• An adult who can tolerate all of their feelings and allows time to feel their emotions.
• Someone who surrounds themselves with people who are emotionally healthy.
• An adult who is kind to themselves.

Examples of how we can teach Emotional Wellness to our child.

• Role model all of the above.
• Share our tools for managing our own emotions, and share new tools as we learn them.
• Share the physical sensations of our emotions.
• Guide our children on how to notice what they’re feeling and then how to express it.
• Don’t shame ourselves or criticize ourselves for any emotion.
• Take responsibility for our behavior, action or lack of action (rather than excusing our actions because of a feeling we had).
• Don’t shame others for their emotions. Instead point out the harmful or helpful choices people can sometimes make when they have certain feelings.
• Put up a poster that shows the different facial expressions tied with certain feelings. Refer to it when talking about our feelings or asking what our child is feeling.
• Be authentic about our feelings, without bringing our child into our adult problems. We can say, “I’m sad about something that happened today. A hug from you helps. I know I’ll feel better at some point and will figure out what to do. Right now, though, I’m sad.” “I’m really angry about something right now so I need some space to figure things out.”

*I am using “they/their/theirs/them/themselves” as singular pronouns.

Back to Guiding Principles for
Developing Whole Children

Self Awareness | Reciprocity | Full Personhood | Equality | Physical Ownership | Verbal Conflict Resolution | Emotional Wellness | Advocacy | Humility | Authenticity | Contribution | Resiliency | Joy | Gratitude | Community | Critical Thinking