Self-Awareness: Being continually aware of our own biases and expectations as we interact with all children.

How Self-Awareness relates to Gender Equity.

Self-awareness is the first and foremost principle because all our effort and intention toward gender equity is useless without us being continually aware of our part in every interaction:  our biases, expectations, fears, comfort zones, interpretations, judgments, taboos, and blind spots related to biological sex, gender roles and stereotyping.

What we say and do matters. Our words, tone of voice, facial expressions, level of enthusiasm, and body language matter.  Our social conditioning influences so much of our behavior that we can unknowingly be perpetuating gender stereotypes with every interaction.**  While this may seem daunting at first, we can use our influence to decrease the harm of all of these things. That’s the great news.

Examples of what Self-Awareness looks like in an adult.

• Someone who can hear their inner dialogue without expressing it or acting on it.
• An adult who acknowledges they will have sexist thoughts because they’ve* been raised by (and live in) a sexist culture.
• Someone who is thoughtful about the words they say.
• An adult who knows they are filtering everything they experience through only their own perspective, so their view isn’t the only one.
• Someone who continues to learn about themselves and their impact on others.
• An adult who is able to notice the feelings that come up when they’re watching or with their child, and how these feelings relate to sexism. These feelings might include pride, anxiety, shock, disgust, disdain, satisfaction, anger, sadness, delight, fear, and boredom.
• Someone who is willing to have conversations about gender, sexism, patriarchy, and stereotypes (as well as other biases) to increase their awareness.

Examples of how we can teach Self-Awareness to our child.

• Listen to our child when they share what they’re feeling and thinking, even if it’s negative. This will build their own self awareness.
• Talk about social conditioning, implicit bias, and how we recognize them in ourselves.
• Discuss times when we found out we’ve hurt, insulted or angered someone unintentionally, how we made amends, and what we learned to do differently.
• Be introspective. Ask ourselves questions, such as:  What makes me feel good when I look at my child? What does my child do that makes me uncomfortable? What do I like people to notice about my child? What do I not want my child to do when other people are watching? What does my child do that makes me feel like a good parent? What does my child do that makes me feel like I’m a lousy parent? What activities would I never sign my child up for? What activity would I never do with my child?

* I am using “they/their/theirs/them/themselves” as singular pronouns.
**   Implicit bias. For more information, go to https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/

Back to Guiding Principles for
Developing Whole Children

Self Awareness | Reciprocity | Full Personhood | Equality | Physical Ownership | Verbal Conflict Resolution | Emotional Wellness | Advocacy | Humility | Authenticity | Contribution | Resiliency | Joy | Gratitude | Community | Critical Thinking